I cannot get enough of James Arthur. Say you won’t let go, is on replay.
Anyway, I had a pretty dramatic day. On my way to school, I received a text from my PKHem asking me to drop by his office when I arrived. I had a panic-attack for a brief period. I thought of all the things I have said and done for the past two weeks. Mental-imaging and disecting every content, searching if there are any mistakes I’ve committed.
We do that all the time, don’t we? Over-thiking and assuming what is not there and convincing ourself that it is. Because just a second later, I received another text saying, “X’s sister is here to see you.” Just for your information, X is my student and I’m the class teacher. I had a breath of relief and scolded myself for overthinking.
X is known to be a problematic student. Her sister came to check her attendance. For that I dragged my four bags back and forth to the disipline room and the final decision is that I’m assigned to counsel X. It’s funny because, I think I myself need counselling. Oh well, may the words of my mouth be as God willed it..
As the day went on, I found out two of my classes had at least 6 to 7 of them who didn’t finish their homework. I put on a strict face and nagged for about 5 mins.
Came to one particular class, one student was asleep. Her whole class said, “Teacher!! She’s sick!!” I looked over and said, “Okay, I will talk to her later. Now the rest please pay attention!”
Once I gave them work, I walked over to the girl who is sick. I urged her to take a rest in the Medical Room. She said she already did that. So I asked, “Why don’t you call your parents to come and get you. You look very pale.” She answered, “No, my dad will scold me if I called.” My blood rushed through my veins and I took a deep breath, swallowing my anger and holding my judgements against her dad. I didn’t want to make her situation any worst. So I gave her permission to sleep in my class.
10 minutes later, she asked permission to go out to the washroom. 20 minutes passed by, and I saw no sight of her. I got worried, the whole class started to worry. I calmed them and said, “Whatever happens, don’t worry, I’m in charge. You just do your work.”
The minute I said that, I saw her walking in the corridor, and my heart leaped for joy. I was under the impression maybe she fainted somewhere or something.
After class, I asked her, “Where did you go for so long?” She replied, “I went to meet the teacher in-duty and I called home.” I was like “Okay, that’s good. What did they say? Are they coming to fetch you?” Then I saw, one of the most heart-breaking faces I have seen in years, “My grandma answered the phone. She said no one can fetch me, because they all just had a fight.”
I looked into her eyes and I saw tears.
I gathered all my courage and said, “I’m sorry this is happening. I’m sorry you have to go through this.. I’m sorry I cannot do much as your teacher. I’m not allowed to leave and send you back. But I am just in the other room. Please, please find me if you need anything..”
She gave a faint smile and said, “Okay,”
These are the kids who have the courage to say that something is happening at home. What about those keep it all inside and plaster a smile? What about those who shows it through anger and bullying? What about those who turn to self-harm?
I thought my problems are huge. But the takeaway for today, is that there are children who suffers so much that we can’t see it. They keep it all hidden. But I’m not a saviour. I cannot save them. I cannot save them all. And that breaks me.
I lift up all the children in this world who never had the chance to live in a loving and caring environment, who ever had anyone validated them, whose houses are hell rather than home. I pray that despite everything that is happening, they will find the courage in the midst of this storm. I pray You will guide them. I pray You will guide me to guide them. Because for sure, I cannot do this alone.
Somebody cries in the middle of the night
The neighbors hear, but they turn out the lights
A fragile soul caught in the hands of fate
When morning comes it’ll be too late
Through the wind and the rain
She stands hard as a stone
In a world that she can’t rise above
But her dreams give her wings
And she flies to a place where she’s loved